Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Old Age #5

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

John Stuart Mill

"Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so."

Bill Watterson

"Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination."

J. Bartlett Brebner

"Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States."

William Hazlitt

"When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest."

Monday, April 29, 2013

TEWS: On the up: 29 Apr 13

Things are 'on the up' for Jennifer and Jean at work. Find out why in The English We Speak.

Listen : http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/worldservice/tae/tae_20130429-1200a.mp3

Elizabeth Aston

"Love has no place in a lawyer's office."

Dana Carvey

"I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level."

Shelley Winters

"I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience."

Mark Twain

"Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable."

Sunday, April 28, 2013

W. C. Fields

"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."

John Buchan

"An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support."

Donald H. Rumsfeld

"If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much."

Eric Hoffer

"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength."

Saturday, April 27, 2013


"Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts."

Bethania McKenstry

"I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines."

Jay Leno

"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?"

Friday, April 26, 2013

Arthur C. Clarke

"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale."

J. W. Schopf

"For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum."

Hobart Brown

"Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars."

Doug Larson

"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks."

Thursday, April 25, 2013

J. Frank Dobie

"The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. "

Bruce Grocott

"I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves."

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything."

Bertolt Brecht

"Why be a man when you can be a success?"

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Don Marquis

"Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."

Douglas Adams

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."

Tom Stoppard

"I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity."

Doris Day

"The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it."

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Ron Nesen

"Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source."

Robert Benchley

"Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people."

Frank Lloyd Wright

"The truth is more important than the facts."

Evan Esar

"Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing."

Monday, April 22, 2013

TEWS: LOL!: 22 Apr 13

Do you know what this text message abbreviation means? Find out with Jennifer and Rob in this week's programme.

Listen : http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/worldservice/tae/tae_20130422-1200a.mp3

Jerome K. Jerome

"It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do."

Woody Allen

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."

Robert Redford

"If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes."

George Orwell

"The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink."

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Yogi Berra

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

Groucho Marx

"Go, and never darken my towels again."

John H. Patterson

"An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides."

J. R. R. Tolkien

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Parental Advisory - The importance of pronunciation.

I had to share this, even though it's a bit rude.

Thanks to Sandor.

Steven Wright

"I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it."

Dave Barry

"I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to."

Jane Austen

"I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them."

Carl Sagan

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."

Friday, April 19, 2013

Gerald R. Ford

"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been."

John F. Kennedy

"When we got into office, the thing that surprised me the most was that things were as bad as we'd been saying they were."

James Thurber

"All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why."

Henry Adams

"No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous."

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Jack Benny

"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either."

George Bernard Shaw

"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."

Alfred North Whitehead

"I have suffered a great deal from writers who have quoted this or that sentence of mine either out of its context or in juxtaposition to some incongruous matter which quite distorted my meaning , or destroyed it altogether."

Rodney Dangerfield

"A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home."

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

In honour of National Blah Blah Blah day.

Edward Abbey

"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork."

George Bush

"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them."

Henry David Thoreau

"Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth!"

Fran Lebowitz

"I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not."

Victor Hugo

"There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher."

Saturday, April 13, 2013

New Home

My new home tienganhvui.com

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